i would like to punch you in the dick

There are two people I've never met that I think deserved to punched in the dick. 
Toby Keith:  Your "I Love This Bar" song is one of the worst things to ever happen to a jukebox.  Everyone thinks they are the only one ever to play it and say "I love this bar" and I can't stand it.  The song sucks.  You suck.  You released a song and then opened a bar of the same name.  If I did that, my song and bar would be named "Toby Keith is a generic used tampon".
"Me love you long time" guy.  Some white guy somewhere wrote this line and it has followed me my entire life.  I don't talk like that.  I don't want to sound like that.  I hate how grammatically incorrect it is even as much as I hate the racism involved.  If any Asian talks like that now, it's because of that line. 
So be warned.  You will get my fists of fury to the groin if I ever meet you. 

I'm full of judgment

Many people judge others by their looks or their cars or their clothes.  I like to make it a little more complex.  For example, I enjoy judging people by what they drink.  I used to work in a bar that served several different beers on tap, one of them being Coors Light.  We offered 12 and 22 ounce mugs and I noticed almost all of my unfavorite people drank Coors Light on tap.  I also noticed the larger mug of Coors Light went to the larger douchebags.  I'm still skeptical of Coors Light draft drinkers. 
I also criticize anyone that goes through the trouble of ordering a halfway decent tequila (such as Patron) chilled with salt and lime.  Just go eat chips and salsa.  Quit bothering me. 
I also don't trust any man that can't have at least one shot of whiskey.  I have several and I'm 5', 100 lbs and a female. 
Don't get me wrong, I'm superficial as well.  I just enjoy judging people so much I've added other ways to make fun of them.