Different players, same game

It's been a long time.  No matter how much things change, it all remains the same.

I still have what people some people consider not a "real job".  I'm one of the managers for a restaurant downtown.  Not as many drunks, but still teeming with drama and intrigue.

My relationship with potential has now become an engagement, which I think we all knew was coming.  I'm sure this will consume most of my upcoming posts.  Let's face it.  I am, in fact, a girl.  Today, I will address an equally estrogen fueled topic.  Babies.

I know it is extremely odd to live in the mid west, be from the south, and not be a mother by your mid 30's.  Yes, I just described myself.  I have not been married and I have had no desire to raise a child by myself or through the act of co-parenting, which is a term I'm ashamed to know and be able to use in a sentence.  Point is, my under enthusiasm for children in my adult life does not mean I have no desire for babies of my own.  Some of you reading this know me and my future husband personally.  Let's face it.  That's going to be one fucking beautiful baby.

I bring this up because a co-worker brought her newborn to work yesterday.  They both look amazing.  It really is a cute baby, and I'm one of those that believe they all kind of look the same until they're around 4 or 5 years old.  I''m not close with the mother; we're only co-workers.  I've also felt a little under the weather so I didn't feel it was appropriate to be within close proximity of this brand new human and her mother.  I explained this from a safe distance and went about my business.  Other co-workers took my lack of physical contact and gushing as a dislike for babies.  I admit, I'm not what one would describe as nurturing or maternal, but that doesn't make me a baby hater.  I started to really resent the implications when they were voiced at work, until I heard myself reply, "I like babies, I just don't like people who aren't good at their jobs."  Probably not the best defense.

On a positive note, I am currently not pregnant, so no little one to put through therapy anytime soon.

Here's your proof

As time wears on, old theories still hold true.  Things our parents told us actually turn out to be right.  Let's look at the assumption that girls mature faster than boys.  Recent national studies have shown that girls have performed oral sex on a boy by the time they turn fourteen.  Is this really the sort of act any female wants to engage in as soon as possible?  Is high school not terrible enough that they need the added pressure of performing blow jobs?  Young men are not racking up numbers as high as young women when it comes to carrying out this act.  Mature does men adult and grown up, so it must be true.  Girls DO mature faster than boys.  Congratulations ladies!  Wipe your mouths, check your teeth, and give each other a hand.  Speaking of hands, don't even get me started on hands....

We get it! You're in love. Shut up

As a joke, I made my boyfriend agree to put that we were in a relationship with each other on Facebook.  The backlash he received from his male friends was so hilarious to us both, we decided to keep it that way.  Secretly, I kind of like it because, let's face it, I am a woman and I am constantly competing with other women whether they know it or not.  Mainly, it was just supposed to be a temporary joke that became funnier when we made it permanent.
I am fully aware that it is our behavior and general demeanor that make it apparent that we are in a relationship with each other.  Becoming "Facebook official" was not something that kept me up at night or made me cry to my girlfriends (er, girlfriend, singular, not plural).  It may be cute to post something on Facebook every now and then about your significant other and how wonderful they are or how much in love you are.  I think it's a nice way to commemorate your wedding day or the birth of a child.  I am more concerned with the constant daily reminders of how much you love your boyfriend or girlfriend.  We get it.  You're in love.  Yippee.  I'm in love and you don't see me bragging about it every time you get online.  We can't even remember to take pictures together, let alone tag that we are someplace together, let everyone know we're there because we love to be places together, take pictures there to immediately upload to Facebook, tag THOSE pics, then produce status updates about said pictures and locations with more tags.
So I'm sorry my friends, if you want to be able to tell if I'm in love with my boyfriend, you're just going to have to do it the old fashioned way.  Find out what bar we're in and watch us get drunk and make out.  Romance and class delivered.

Ummm, what the?

I have a confession.  I enjoy watching terrible reality television while I do mundane chores around the house such as folding laundry.  I am especially entertained by shows that feature single women trying to figure out why they are still single.  I. Love. These.  Women.  They make me feel extremely confident and intelligent.
I am surprised at this Oprah inspired movement of "vision boards" and "dealbreaker" type lists.  We all have preferences and pet peeves, but why must these women write them down?  Do they have dementia?  I know I don't like guys that are pussies and can't drink hard liquor.  I'm not afraid I'll forget that and accidentally wind up in a relationship with a wimp that can't fight and only orders daiquiris.  Also, these women all say they want a good looking guy that doesn't cheat.  Oh, good.  Glad you put that on paper.  The rest of us are in the market for ugly men that sleep around.  THAT'S probably why I got cheated on.  I never bothered to write down that fact that I dislike it.
I can't even wrap my mind around the vision boards.  If you find yourself with so much spare time that you are cutting out pictures of celebrities and jewelry store ads to compile your idea of the perfect relationship, then you are way too single and way too crazy to even handle dating a real man.  I can't ever imagine a sane, capable man saying "I really hope I find a woman one day that has already put unreachable expectations on me before she's even met me.  I hope she takes me to her room one day and shows me an adult arts and crafts project of her imagination and says I'm the lucky man that fits the mold."
So ladies, stay away from the scissors and the glue sticks and the lists.  Use that time to figure out why you're not attracting the right man.  It can't be all their fault.  What daddy issues and mistakes other men have made are you blaming every one else for?  Really look for answers to those questions.  Or just learn to cook.  Either way, stop putting your psychosis down on paper.  The evidence is damaging.

You're worrying about the wrong things

We all know there are a handful of establishments that specifically hire attractive women that are willing to wear little to no clothing to attract male clientele.  It is a business model that obviously works.  Men are going to these places.  They are spending their money there and may even be flirting with some of the employees.  Trying to keep them away from these places seems like a waste of time.  Women are everywhere.  Slutty, attractive, troublesome women are absolutely everywhere.  My ex cheated on me with a co-worker.  He didn't have to travel to a strip club or a restaurant that had buxom waitresses.  He was smarter and got paid to find someone to screw behind my back instead of paying someone else.  Most women I've spoken to that have been cheated on often have their men's jobs or internet to blame as the scene of the crime.
I just think it is so silly to think that those kind of women only exist in those types of establishments.  Especially when, let's be honest, most of us women have been "those kind of women" once in our pasts.  So let's concentrate less on where our men are eating lunch and more on why we're so insecure about it.  What have WE done in the past to make us so sure women are evil?

It really ISN'T supposed to be that difficult

I am in my early 30s, a child of the 80s, and raised in a single parent household.  Many of us can be described this way.  I'm not exactly sure which part of my upbringing had me convinced that relationships are supposed to be such hard work.  Not just compromise, but grueling, painful hard work.  I haven't had many relationships, but the, ahem, two I had in the past were full of too much effort on both of our parts.  I'm not saying I was always a dream to be with; I know my exes had to work hard to be with me as well.  I am fortunate enough to now be with someone that doesn't make me feel like I have another full time job.  I'm not saying he doesn't sometimes drive me crazy when he gets tired and cranky and yells for water, but for the most part, it's relaxed and smooth sailing.  We all just need to realize that the hard work that relationships require is not supposed to be constant.  We don't have to suffer greatly for very little reward.  Relationships should not be as exhausting as our jobs, which we at least get paid to dislike.
So if you have suffered or are suffering through a relationship that made you feel slightly off and extremely overworked, know that it does get better.  It is not supposed that hard.

Why do men cheat?

Why do men cheat, how to keep your man, why do they do it…? All these questions come up when
we find out very successful men that seem to have the perfect marriages go astray. Here’s the real
question: Why are we still surprised? Haven’t you heard the old saying “No matter how beautiful a
woman is there is a man somewhere that is tired of her crap”?
Notice they always cheat on women different from their spouses. This makes complete sense. If you
love pizza, you still don’t want to eat it every single day. You would need to take a break from pizza
and get a steak. Doesn’t mean you are done with pizza or don’t like it anymore, you’re just craving
something different. Same concept.
Many men actually have so much respect for their wives that they take lovers to have someone to
disrespect. They couldn’t imagine treating their wives like a prostitute in the bedroom; that’s the
mother of their children and the woman who swore to love them wearing all white. The waitress at the
diner though, who cares who she really is and her apron was red, so she’s fair game. Another thing ladies:
taking out the trash and carrying groceries are not things that make men feel masculine. If anything,
those chores make them feel like little boys again. When that “other woman” makes them sweat and
obeys their orders, that makes them feel masculine.
Let me say, I do not condone infidelity, I just think I may understand it. Men are not like women. Men
do not think in terms of emotions or consequences like women do. They are very logical creatures.
They know they will never have superpowers and get to lead double lives as businessmen during the day
and secret agents by night. So the next best thing for many of them is to be dutiful husbands as well as
bad boy lovers.
I’m sure this will enrage or even scare some women out there, and it should. More than likely, if your
man is not cheating on you, he’s thought about it. I wonder what he decided?