When is the last time someone asked you out?

When is the last time someone asked you out?

Actually asked you out with words that you heard with your own ears, not just read off of a screen?

Men, you can read this, too. In fact, I just want to congratulate you. I am not an extremely old woman,
but I am someone who can recall those awkward conversations with young men who were trying to find
a way to ask me on a date. An actual conversation to invite me to a dinner or movie, face to face, or
sometimes over the phone, but still, with voices involved. The men I dated did not have the luxury of
mainstream texting or social networking to find out if they would be rejected.

Women are now allowing men to turn them into drive thru fast food chains. A man can go through his
contact list on his phone like a menu, send out his order to be filled immediately, and find it warm and
neatly wrapped in his lap for a low price.

Again, you have to be impressed with the men. They have convinced us that so many things are sexy to
them, and we just fall for it. They used to have to imagine what kind of panties we were wearing; now,
we just let our thongs stick out of the top of our extremely low pants. They would have to romance
us to get an invitation into our homes, let alone see us naked; now, we send them pictures directly to
their phones or just post them on our own pages. These geniuses do not even have to buy us drinks
anymore. Just show up at any given ladies’ night where we’re already drinking free and just wait until
2 AM.

So the next time you want to cry to your girlfriends about the recent man you met not treating you like a
lady, ask yourself this, when’s the last time you acted like a lady?

Men are imitating women now

After a year of being completely single and not wanting to date anyone, I'm surprised how men are reacting to the news that I now have a boyfriend.  First of all, I may or may not have led people to believe that I may in fact be a lesbian.  I take the blame for that.  Still, I'm shocked to learn that some men believed I was just waiting to until I was ready to go out with them specifically.  They get drunk and tell me their feelings are hurt. They go up to my boyfriend and act friendly, then behind his back say they don't understand why we're dating.  They whisper among themselves about what they think about our relationship and how they don't approve.  So to sum up, they are delusional, emotional, backstabbing, and gossipy.  Sound familiar?  Congratulations boys.  You should be having your first period soon.

This probably isn't healthy

I just wanted to share with all of you that it is about midnight on a Saturday night and I just drank a beverage that didn't contain alcohol and literally thought my body was going into shock.  I have been drinking so much alcohol that it is making me physically uncomfortable with normal beverages. That is not a good sign.  The other day I swallowed a mouthful of Scope because I'm so used to taking shots.
I am extremely lucky to be dating another functioning alcoholic that finds my drinking habits attractive.  Because that's what I need, incentive to keep drinking. Also, we're not the kind of couple that fights when we drink.  We're the couple that just wants to make out in public and drukenly slur sweet nothings to each other.  So ladies, if you're looking for a handsome, sweet, understanding boyfriend that finds heavy drinking sexy, too late.  I'm pretty sure I snagged the last one.

This is where crazy comes from

All women are crazy.  I am a woman and I'm telling you from experience.  I'm not going to pretend I myself am not crazy, I'm just more aware of it. We make decisions based on emotions.  When you are in school learning the alphabet or how to add, the teachers don't ask you what you FEEL the answer should be.  There is a reason for that.  Emotions should not fuel our thoughts.
Men, please pay attention to this lesson.  You cannot expect a woman to use logic when you are trying to tell her you just want to have sex with her and not a serious relationship.  She will nod and agree and parrot back everything you say.  You will think you two are on the same page and you are about to embark on a sexual journey of two adults that just enjoy each other physically.  She will think you find her attractive and you will be with her in an intimate way that has to mean something.  One night you will think you would enjoy dinner and sex, so why not have her along for both.  To her, that will be a date; your way of finally letting her know that you're feeling something too.  You'll start having more sex with her because you believe that's all you two have together.  She will believe that you cannot get enough of her so you have to be with her all the time.  She may even label one of those sessions as "making love."  Do I have to continue, or are most of you already shuddering with memories and going through post traumatic stress disorder?
The craziness we possess is located inside of us, inside our vaginas incidentally.  Just think of it like pumping air into a bicycle tire.  The more times and the harder you pump it, the bigger the craziness becomes.  Keep drilling at an already crazy girl, pretending she isn't crazy, just makes her crazier.
Unfortunately I do not have a clear cut solution for you.  It is extremely important that you are aware of the fact the "I told her it was just sex from day one" is not an actual defense.  That actually only works on men, so looks like you have a major life choice to make.

Be extremely careful

Many of my Facebook friends don't seem to be aware that there is a camera positioned in their vehicle and it is constantly taking pictures of them.  That has to be what is going on because there are hundreds of photos of them in their vehicles.  Or maybe they are doing it themselves because they know they look hot when they are driving.  I am not that lucky.  I drive every day, to all sorts of different places and I've never once thought, "I'm so f-ing good at this, I need to take a picture of myself."  That's just me.  That's my flaw.  Or maybe they are just that busy with life that they know they need to document their look for that day, but forget until they are sitting at a red light.  I wonder if there is another subculture of people that just enjoy the back drop of the interior of their vehicles.  I imagine them getting dressed up, running to their cars to take a picture, then running back in to upload it to Facebook.  So many possibilities...

It's not that I dislike Dave Matthews Band

I like them. I've always liked them.  I just don't understand why some people act as if going to a Dave Matthews concert is like they attended Woodstock.  Many people travel long distances on several occasions to see him.  That's fine if that's what you're into, but don't be disappointed in me for not being more impressed.  Also, please stop referring to attending a Dave Matthews concert as "going to see Dave."  Quit trying to trick me into believing that you are so close with him that you are just going to pop in on him at his home.  "We went to see Dave" is extremely misleading and I resent the verbal trickery.  I bet you also say "I love you" too soon and have been making wedding plans since you were 10.