I have an iPhone

I don't brag that I have an iPhone.  I don't think it makes me better than you. I obviously like it.  I know you like your phone, too.  I'm sure it's impressive, but it's not an iPhone.  I prefer my phone.  If I didn't, I'd buy a different one.  Quit giving me a rundown of all the things your phone can do everytime you pull it out.  I didn't ask.  Quit telling me it's better than an iPhone.  You got it for free.  People don't wait in line for your phone.  My phone does absolutely everything.  In fact, it is probably the reason that I am still single.  I don't feel like I need anything or anyone else.  I mean, it doesn't have a penis or anything, but it downloads porn faster than it drops calls.